Am I a Villain?

Last night, my mom came home from work, exhausted as per usual. She said she's having a fever. I checked, and her body temperature was 38.4°C, which an hour later became 39.0°C. Thankfully she bought extra medicine because apparently we're both ill. Yes, I too had high fever 4 days ago. Though it only lasted for 2 days, but still the virus stayed and caused me major headache and infection around my lips. I couldn't do anything all day and just sweating in my room hoping the headache will stop & the infection will soon be gone.  

Precisely at 1:35 AM, I woke her up to take the medicine that needed to be taken every 4 hours. Later we checked her body temperature and it was still 39.0°C. I then went to bed and as soon as I woke up, I heard the sound of someone taking a shower. It was 5.10 AM.

Mom is getting ready for work.

Strangely, I felt angry.

A rush of memories filled my brain. The image of me  working 24/7 for a certain company 7 months ago.  Tante who said I take after Mom's hardworking gene. Mom who supported me to quit the job. Mom, who in my entire 21 year of living never once take a leave more than 3 days straight. Last time she did is probably back when Dad passed away which is 10 years ago. She works 6 days out of 7. Had to sleep over at the lab because she missed the last train. Everyday she goes to work at 6.00 AM and comes home at 9.00 PM at the earliest. At that moment, I truly wanted to shout at her; "Why do you work so hard? Don't you need to rest? Why put the company above your health? Exactly why do you work so hard?????!!"

Luckily, I held my tounge. I took a breather and it suddenly clicked.

Imagine being a technician of a small laboratory when you're raising two daughters who's only 1 year apart. The oldest wanted to go to the no. 1 public high school which require a jump in spending. Then, after finishing high school, she wanted to go to an out-of-town Business School when there is a top university in town which costs half as much.

Although she could've persuaded me of attending another high school which costs nothing (literally, it's free). Although she could've also ultimatum me to choose in town university.

She didn't.

She knew then that she needed to work hard in order to afford a nice life for her daughters. The situation pushed her to do it, and now it seems like it's already a habit.

Who am I to get angry at her for working too hard?

It is because of me, after all.

It is for me, after all.

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I know she reads my blog every 2 years or so but Mom, please don't work too hard and put your health  above anything else. I am still in the middle of figuring things out. I don't know for how long. But I want you to be here when I reach that point in life where I can say I am content with my life.

Please wait a little longer.