힘내자: The begining of Pandemic Notes

2020 has been a tough year. I've never thought I'd say that after the year my dad died, and that says a lot.

The world is in an ongoing pandemic. Many are struggling. Business closing. Jobs taken away. Losing loved ones. People all over the world are doing their best to stay alive both physically and mentally. 6 months have passed, thousands of people have died, still no sign of vaccine and people are still debating about the existence of this virus. At some point, people are using this pandemic as a political agenda, telling us to pick sides, who's better than whom. As someone whose common sense is still intact (thank God), I just want to say; people are dying, struggling to eat, struggling to meet their ends meet, our healthcare system is failing, doctors die one by one, your conspiracy theories & political agenda are the least of my concerns. 

It's still surreal to me that I am witnessing with my own two eyes how the powerful neglect us when they are supposed to serve us, the public. Anyway, I won't get too political but I believe, after the pandemic is over, anyone who doesn't want to reform our current system is either benefited from it or just plain dumb.

Lately, I found myself often reminiscing about those times before the pandemic. Back in January, I booked a flight to Seoul. My long time dream. I will never forget the feeling. Dreams do come true, I thought to myself. We (me and my two friends) spent the next 2 months discussing places to visit, accommodation, etc. When the pandemic hit, we were 60% sure it's not going to last that long. "It'll probably be over in June, right?", we optimistically hoped. The trip is supposed to happen in late October this year, but obviously, it has to be postponed.  We bought a non-refundable flight, so we only have one chance to reschedule. We plan to move the trip to April. If Covid-19 is still around by then, the ticket can not be refunded or rescheduled. So, I'll spend that much money for nothing. 

Suddenly, I remember the question "Are you scared of change" in one of the personality tests that I did back in university. And I picked "No, I'm not.", implying that I am comfortable with change; with uncertainty. I believed it. I lived my life believing I am comfortable with uncertainty. That is until I got my current job, and learned how comfortable certainty is.

They said the only thing certain in life is uncertainty and death. No one can predict what's going to happen the next morning or even the next 5 minutes. I bought a non-refundable ticket because I was certain I could fly to Korea in October. If there's one thing that this pandemic surely taught me, it's how to live with uncertainty. And the best method is: to REDUCE IT. Just like buying a refundable ticket reduces the probability of your money evaporates into nothingness.

However, there's one thing we all have to remember: when the unthinkable happens and you've done your best to prevent it, go easy on yourself. Sometimes life throws a rock at you and you can't avoid it. It will be painful, but we all can do our best to heal.

Speaking of pandemic life lessons, last Friday I got a Whatsapp message from my favorite massage parlor, "Home service is now available, strict health protocol implied". Excited, I hurriedly forwarded the message to a friend who has been wanting to try it, way before the pandemic. Her response was literally just "Sad" because we knew no matter how strict the health protocol being implied, there's always a chance for virus transmission. So we ended the conversation, just like that. Mind you, it's not the first time we talked about going to the spa & salons. I think we've had this conversation at least 5 times in the past 6 months and it ALWAYS ended with "Let's hope the pandemic is going to be over soon".

We could've gone in January. We had the time, the freedom, and the money needed to book that spa session, but we didn't go. I wanted to learn pottery in February, decided to postpone it to April, and then spend the next months regretting that choice. I had all the resources needed, but I didn't go. What I'm saying is, regrets suck. I am done regretting. I won't hold back. If I truly want it; I'll go for it.

This pandemic is horrible, but it sure does give me a lot of space to think.

Anyway, please reach out to your neighbors and families if you can. Let's help each other out during these hard times. If you need help, you can always reach out to me! Lastly, I hope we're all going to get out of this situation safely and hopefully soon. 

힘내자!!!!