Emotions

As I lived these past 18 years I've been thought about so many things in life. I've been thought how to use spoon, how to manage money, how to love, how to be loved, and so on. I've felt a lot of emotions. Excited, sad (probably all kinds of sad emotion there is in this world), nervous, happy, angry, I've probably felt them all. Although I choose to not to express them most of the time.

You see, I am kinda bad at expressing things. I don't really know how to express things spontaneously. I have to think it first. I have to make sure that I am not over reacting because I hate it when someone does that. I think too much of my actions and I do reflect on myself very often.

It's the introvert in me who's in charge of emotions in my everyday life. Although sometimes I hate it, because it kinda slows down my social skills (when I interact with people it's kinda hard because I don't express myself freely), I couldn't be more grateful that there is such a person in me and I came to a realization that it's more like a strength than a weakness to me. I feel grateful that I am still aware of my actions and careful of what I can cause by expressing things. Because you know, there are some people who generally do not care what impact their actions could cause. Whether it is breaking someone's heart or not, whether it hurts someone else or not.

I've mentioned it somewhere, that I can't get angry or sad in front of people. Well.. my old self back in highschool still had that ability to cry or to be angry in front of people. I cried a lot when I was in 10th grade. Sadly, it was because of a particular boy (....we all have that embarrassing past, you know). I also cried when I was in 11th grade. That time it was because of organization problem. I stopped exoressing myself when I was in 12 grade. I thought (and still think) that it's better to swallow down my anger and sadness. And I chose to always appear as my happy self. I think it's really a burden for the people around you when you express those sadness and emotions. But.. in the end, you can't always swallows down your feelings. I am on my way to develop my angry skill (this sounds ridiculous but meh). My lecturer told us that being angry can help people to be better--of course with the right amount of it and at the right time.

My favorite method of expressing things would always be writing, painting or drawing because it won't hurt anyone. Below is my recent painting. The Japanese characters mean Love and Peace. I googled it lol. Some people choose not to do art because they said they don't have talet at it. I'd say, try it first. It's not about a good painting that matters. It's the story and feelings behind every painting that counts.